4 weeks after

This is 4 weeks after.  It doesn't look too bad, but I have a ton of extra skin.  That is going to take some time to shrink.  I start teaching group fitness classes in two weeks.  I am so excited I can't stand it.  I am also going to start running.  I think I am going to start tracking my food on here as well as my exercise activities.  Maybe it will help me to learn how to help other women with the transformation of their bodies after they give birth to a child.   I am really struggling with the eating part.  I know I need to restrict calories to lose weight, but it is really hard when you are breast feeding.  I need the extra calories to produce milk. I started losing weight, but then my body went oh H#LL NO!    I began starving, which sucks.    It is super hard to exercise when your body is screaming for food.   The good news is I start back to work soon and I will start teaching classes too.  That will keep me busy and limit the amount of time I have to eat.  This means that I will have to plan my food and eating times AND I will be too busy to think about hunger. Yay!  Of course this means I will need to log my food as well to make sure I don't drop too low in calories.  I need at least 1700 cal right now to keep producing milk.  That gets tricky when I start exercising.   I am kind of excited about the whole process though.  I get to be my own guinea pig in an effort to help others in the future. 
I am going to start taking measurements too.  I'm curious as to how long it will take for my hips to go back into place and for my skin to tighten back up.   I know I have a way to go on the joints.  My feet still hurt like crazy, as well as my hands.  And my right arm still has a problem with going numb.  I think I have a pinched nerve in my shoulder.   Pregnancy does some mean things to your body.  It's a good thing we get something really special out of it. :o)

3 weeks after

3 weeks after.  Weight 130.   I need to lose at least 10 more pounds.  15 would be awesome and maybe that will be achieved by spring.   I started exercising week 2 which has helped me to not feel so gross and has helped me to feel less depressed.   A little BodyJam, BodyStep, BodyPump, and Combat.  
I am finding it hard to eat and get the number of calories I need if I don't eat crap food.     Let me tell you, trying to lose weight and eat extra to lactate is are hard balance to find.    I can't wait to start running.  I need those endorphins in a bad way.   Even if I don't lose weight doing it, at least I will feel better about myself for trying to do something about it. 

The good news is Aiden is really a good baby.  Nothing extraordinary,  just doing the typical baby things.  He is starting to have more awake time now.   I like talking to him and watching him absorb everything around him.   Being a mom really is one of the best rewards of life.

My tummy 3 days after birth

Ok, so this may be a little weird, but I am going to track my belly going the other way. :o)
 It takes 9 months for it to grow and it will take time for it to shrink.    So let's see how long it will take.

Special Delivery

Well, you will not be getting a 38 week picture of my belly.  Instead you get to see the sweet little baby boy that was growing there.  Meet Aiden Morgan Holt.  7 lbs 12oz 20 inches long.  Blonde hair, blonde eyelashes, and blonde eyebrows.  He is an absolute doll.

I went to the doctor on Monday Sept 26th at 11:30 am to find out I was 6 cm.  Dr. Gorman asked me if I was ready to meet my baby.  I instantly started crying.  Dr. Gorman said I almost made him cry too.   So downstairs I went to get  a little pitocin to help get my contractions in a more rhythmic pattern.   The nurses were all surprised that I wasn't feeling any pain from my contractions.  By 1:00 I was hooked up on IV and ready to wait.  I made the guess that he would come around 5.   Dr. Seale came in around 4 (I think) to break my water.   I had agreed to take 1/2 a dose of nubain and it was so helpful.  It relaxed my body enough that time drifted by until the TIME TO PUSH contractions hit.  I only had to have one of those and had Denver call the nurse.  I want to say I only had to push about 5 minutes to get him here.  It may have been 10, I  don't know.  I just know that once I figured out where to put my pushing efforts, he was here after a couple big pushes.    I am so glad I didn't have an epidural.  I was able to go home the next day and start life with a new baby.
Things to remember...  No matter what you do, you will have a sore body after birth.  Every muscle I have hurts from the tensing up and the isometric pushing.  I upset my biceps so much that I pinched the nerve that runs to my wrist and hand and could barely use my right hand for a couple of days.  It is getting better now, but still not perfect.  It is crazy how pregnancy effects every single inch of your body. 

37 weeks

37 weeks.

 So my poor body is pooped.   I am pretty sure I have never felt my feet go through so much pain in all my life.  I guess it is the extra weight, the swelling, and the fact that my joints are relaxing preparing for birth.  Goodness it is something.  At my doctor's appt this week, I was dilated to 3+.  Dr. Gorman said that if I am at a 4 by Monday they will induce at the end of the week.  He is wants to be cautious because of how quickly I dilate.
I have been having contractions, but nothing really very intense, nor did they ever develop a pattern.

                            
35 weeks                                                                          36 weeks

So during my 35th week I was involved in a fender bender.  A car rear ended me while I was waiting to make a left hand turn.  This got me a nice little 24 hour stay at the hospital.  Good news is I got to have another sonogram.  Aiden is fine and at that point weighed approx 5lbs 13 oz.   I was having contractions every 5 min, but the were not causing dilation.

I went for my 36 week check up on Tuesday the 14th.  I was 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced.  I had contractions all day that day and the next.   Friday came and I have had a few contractions, but nothing serious.  I am walking in a 5k tomorrow for JDRF.  I hope that gets me some results.

34 weeks

So what has happened during my 34th week.  My waist has hit 41 inches, I gained 4 lbs, and my feet have swollen to the point of misery.  My ankles, toes, and the bones on the top of my feet feel like they are going to snap into everytime I stand up.  Dramatic, maybe,,,but true.
I have begun to have pain in my ribs that wrap around my back.  I have to flip ever hour or two when I sleep because the pressure on my ribs wake me up.  While this sounds like complaining, actually its all good news.  It means my pregnancy is moving along just as it should and my little man is growing.
Went to the doctor during this week, BP 100/60, blood sugar was good and so was protein levels. I am having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions.  LOTS!!!  Estimated weight of Aiden is 4.5lbs.   I am guessing he will come out weighing about 7.5 lbs.    He is still very active, and I am going to miss feeling him move in my stomach.   His crib is ready and we have everything we need to get started down this road.  I just pray for a healthy baby, an easy labor/delivery, and a smooth transition.

31 Weeks

Not sure you can see much difference between last week and this week, but I can feel the difference.
Aiden is getting bigger and his body parts are getting harder.  Driving is becoming quite the challenge as the steering wheel almost hits my stomach and I can't turn around to look behind me.
He is still very active and has hiccups all of the time.  9 more weeks, hoping for 6-8. :o)

30 Weeks

30 weeks.  Only 10 more to go.  Whew!!!

Oh my word.  I have decided that I am becoming more pregnant by the day.  My poor stomach feels stretched to the max and I have 10 more weeks of stretching to go.  I can't lift anything or I feel like my hips are going to collapse.  It is a crazy painful feeling.  I'm not sure I can keep working 9 hour days much longer.  Hopefully I can manage for about another 6 weeks. 
We did pick out a name yesterday.  Aiden Morgan Holt.  I am thrilled to have a name that I can start connecting with this little guy.   He is a busy little guy and I think Aiden will fit him well.  I can't believe that he is about three pounds.  Still skinny and little, but in no time he will be a nice fat baby.  I'm hoping my labor is easy and he makes his way out as painless as possible. 

29 weeks

It may not look like I am getting any bigger, but I am getting wider.  I am trying so hard to be a good girl and stay within my weight range of gaining 30lbs.   Darn the luck if I didn't slip at work the other day, all split like, and pull something in my under carriage, that hurt like crazy.  I could barely walk the rest of the day.   I need to be able to exercise dang it!   I can't be pulling stuff.  
My hips are doing better this pregnancy than my prior pregnancies, but they definitely have their moments that it takes all I can do to walk or get up. 
My ability to deal with stress has dropped to about zero.  I am such an emotional mess all of the time.  I have days still that I remember I am a tough cookie when necessary and no matter what happens, I have my God, my friends, and my family to help me get through. 
I really can't wait for this little guy to get here.  My heart melts everytime I imagine holding him and I look so forward to the days of him being 2-3 and being my sweet little boy, holding my hand, and talking in that sweet toddler voice.
Erin is so excited for him to get here.  She loves to kiss my belly and talk to him.  She is going to be such a good big sister. 

7 months

Moving right along.  7 months today.  Whew!  I go to the doctor tomorrow for a check up and to receive my rhogam shot.  I have days that I have contractions all day long.  They are exhausting.  I am hoping they check me tomorrow to make sure none of them are causing dilation.  One thing for sure, as many as I am having, my uterus should be prepared and up for the task.    I barely left the couch Sunday.  I had contractions, was sick, and totally exhausted.  I actually took 3 naps that day and went to be at 9.  I still slept through my alarm and was late for work on Monday. 
As for Baby H, he is super active.  I think he is going to be like me and will never want to sit down and relax.  He's going to want to be busy all of the time.   He was so active Sunday that I actually felt sore.
I am trying to walk 2-3 times a week.  Gotta get in some exercise somehow.  
Work is getting a little rough, but it's all good.  I've got to suck it up.  I need to work as much as possible.
I will be getting an ultrasound in the next few days.  I can't wait to see what my little man looks like.  I'll post pictures, of course. 

Week 27

Week 28

So my change in cravings, I finally left the world of turkey pepperoni.  I ate it just about every darn day for the last 3 months.  I am now on salad and ranch dressing.  By ranch dressing I mean RANCH DRESSING!  I have never been a huge fan of the stuff, but right now I think I eat half a cup a day.   Ok, I am going to do say one thing I DO NOT WANT TO ADMIT. My weight.  Deep breath........141.  OMGosh!!!!!  When I see that on the scale I have to fight back a tear.  Especially since 150 is my max to gain the optimal 30lbs.  I have 14 weeks to go and only 9lbs left to gain.   I am trying my best to be healthy and exercise.  Don't get me wrong people, I know I needed to gain 30lbs, but I don't need to gain more than the doctor has recommended.   That just means more to lose later and well, it is not beneficial to the baby in any way for me to pack on extra weight.  And besides, I am having a hard enough time, carrying around this much extra, let alone the next 9lbs.
I am having contractions.  Braxton Hicks, but the take my breath away sometimes.  I feel like my bladder is about to explode when they hit.   I hope that my real contractions stay this mellow though.  I would love to just feel my stomach get tight, rather than the horrible cramping pain that usually comes.
Work is still going ok, even though I think the owners are expecting me to "be out" any day.   I need to work up until this baby gets here.  No early leaves for me.  Momma needs the cash.
I can't really think of anything else that has been going on.   Oh Erin has become crazy excited about the baby.  She loves how my stomach is growing.  She is constantly rubbing it and kissing it.  Silly girl.

My 26 week tummy

26 weeks.  Oh my word!!  I forgot how much ones skin can stretch.  I just hope it all shrinks back.  It won't of course, but I can dream can't I?
Hoping I only have 10 more weeks.  14 tops!  But 10 will make me a happy girl. :o)

25 weeks

Look at Baby H grow..  I really hope he comes in the next 10-12 weeks.  14 weeks and I think I will pop!

So no picture, just rambling.  The picture comes tomorrow.   Thought I would list the aches and pains for reference later.  Ha!   So, my hips hurt like crazy!!!  When I go from sitting to standing I have to take baby steps for like the first 10 before my hips settle back into place and pain that makes me want to say bad bad words goes away.  I remember the hip pain from before, but geez it is a doozie!!  Also, pain around the bellybutton, really?  I can't even touch that area.  Oh and the best part is the pain in my mid back, (bra line)   I literally have to fight sitting on the floor and crying about this one.    My heart goes out to those with chronic pain.  If I didn't know there was an end in sight to this pain, I would need some serious medication.
Now the cool thing.  Baby H's movement.  I love love love this part of being pregnant.  It is confirmation that all of the pain and total body distortion is worth it.  I can't wait to see his sweet face.
I will be 26 weeks tomorrow.  I am hoping and praying that he comes at the end of the next 10 weeks.  That would be awesome.  I know that sounds bad probably, but if it does, well then you obviously have not been pregnant before and don't realize that the baby is fully developed at 36 weeks and the last 4 weeks is just to fatten him up and make you immobile.   Besides I am hoping he is born in September.  I would love to have a September baby. :o)
Do I have a name yet, is a question I get daily.  Unfortunately no I don't.  Even though Matthew is on the board and it really is my favorite name. 
Oh, I didn't mention my mood.  Yeah I am the biggest girl I have ever seen.  Things hurt my feeling like nothing I have ever felt before.  I feel physical pain each time my feelings get hurt.  It is crazy.  I am totally insecure and reaching for security.  I don't like this about myself right now.   I have become a wimp.  Hopefully once my hormones are back on track, I will grow a backbone again and stop being so fragile. 

24 Week Tummy

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23 weeks

So this is what I look like at the start of vacation.  After lots of ice cream and yummy "bad" food.  My 24 weeks stomach looks quite a bit bigger.

My Tummy weeks 20, 21, and 22

Week 19

Oh my word, check out the difference from last Tuesday to this Tuesday.  Baby H has grown!!  Or at least his momma has.    I actually saw his kicks for the first time last night.  I love that part.  It makes it all seem so real when you feel them move around inside your tummy.   I am starting to have a lot of round ligament pain.  Boo!!

And I have had to ask my friend Amy for help teaching step.  It is hard to get my big old body up on that step!!
So glad Amy is there to show the "real" moves, while I do the low options.   Pump tonight was rough.  I had trouble talking and teaching the chest track.  Each time I talked I felt sharp pains in my right side. Also, I am having really sharp pains in my back under my right shoulder blade.  I don't want to stop teaching Pump, but the big old contraction I had after class, makes me think it is about time.  I can't be stuck on bed rest.  Momma gotta help bring home the bacon!!

Also discovering weird foods upset my stomach.  I ate a plain baked potato the other night and my digestive system went crazy.  Later that night I ate a bean burrito with hot sauce and not a problem one.
All things sugary hurt my stomach, but they always have.  I am still on my egg kick.  I love 'em!

I am an emotional mess too.  I broke down crying tonight because I saw the size of my thighs!  I am trying to not get down on myself about the weight gain, because I know I have to gain some weight to have a healthy baby, but why does it have to be so ugly and go to my thighs and butt?  Guess I am going to produce some grade A breast milk!

Anywho, go to the doctor tomorrow.  Gonna ask about my aches and pains, which are normal.  But I am human and it makes me feel better for someone with authority to tell me it is all going to be ok. :o)

Week 18

Weeks 16 and 17

My 15 Week Tummy

Second Trimester... Whew!  I finally got there.  So I have outgrown most of my clothes at this point, with the exception of my awesome yoga pants.   According to the doctor I have only gained 6lbs since my first visit.  Good thing she is unaware of how much I gained prior to my first visit. :o/    So I have had to cut back on exercise and I am super sad that Combat has to go so soon.  I had every intention of pushing it all the way to the end.  My body has other plans though.  (sad face).

My 13 week Tummy

Week 13.   My stomach is sticking out far enough that I have to protect it when moving around the bakery so I don't bump into things (like the corner of tables and such).  Sweets are not my friend.  I just can't seem to digest them.  Every time I eat something sweet it makes me sick.   Boo!  I am not having that problem with salt!  I am eating way to much of it though, my feet and hands keep swelling.  I still can't stand anything mint, nor am I able to chew most gum.  Bubble gum flavored gum is about all I can stand.  I am starting to have a little bit of trouble with breathing, which I expected.  The pressure on my diaphragm makes my breathing uncomfortable.  Between my stomach growing up and my boobs getting so big and heavy, my poor diaphragm is just squished!  And when they say your digestive system slows down, they WEREN'T kidding.  I think I may need to go on a liquid diet just so my stomach can handle it.  

Week 12 Tummy

Week 12... I am not as sleepy and I am not as sick as I was.  Thank goodness.  I have discovered that if I eat eggs for breakfast it keeps me from getting so sick in the morning.  I still can't take prenatal vitamins.  Thank goodness for Flintstone vitamins. :o)

My 11 week tummy

This week has been a little better. My headaches have eased up, even though my allergies are going CRAZY!!
I have learned that I have to start the day with eggs and a small amount of carbs to keep from being sick.  Cereal was just to sugary for breakfast and it was setting up my day in a bad way.  I weigh 130lbs!!!  Yeah I am not pleased with that number, but it all came from being sick.  WHAT??  Well you see the only way I wasn't on the verge of vomiting was if I was eating.  So I was eating all of the time.  Oh and my boobs are now 36DD, Yeah and I am not even three months in yet.  They are gonna be soooo huge! 
I bought a really cool thing at Target yesterday.  It is a belly wrap thing.  You use it to keep wearing your button up jeans and such.  You can leave the jeans unbuttoned and unzipped and the belt covers it all up and holds your pants up!  Why didn't I think of that?  So cool.

Baby H

So we went to the doctor on March 14th for our first visit.  We were so anxious to hear the babies heart beat and know that things were going ok so far.  I get undressed and I'm laying there ready to hear the swish swish sound of my sweet Baby H and nothing!  Dr. Gorman decides to do an utlrasound, so we nervously switch rooms and get ready and the ultrasound begins.  TaDa!  There is Baby H with his/her sweet little heart beating.  So come to find out I am about a week less pregnant than we originally thought.  I have to say I think it is kind of cool to have a picture of the baby so tiny.   The little bump on his/her back is the yolk sack.

My 10 week tummy

I felt horrible yesterday, thank goodness I didn't have to work.  I slept almost the whole day.  I had some cramping and light bleeding that made me pretty nervous, but I seem to be feeling better today.
I watched a couple of episodes of  A Baby Story, which I should not have done.  Dang I forgot all about the crazy things pregnancy does to your body.   I've got a long bumpy road ahead.  I guess I just have too much energy for a dull life.
I'll be teaching BodyCombat tonight.  I really want to teach it for as long as I possibly can.  Not sure how much longer my obliques can handle sidekicks and roundhouse kicks though.  I am already needing to brace my side and my poor stretching transverse abdominal muscle is going to be stretched to the limit!  I'm trying to do as much as work as I can to try and keep them strong so they can support my belly as it gets bigger.
I'm having a really rough time with my prenatal vitamins too.  They just aren't setting well in my stomach.  I switched to my faithful Flintstones today.  I hope I do better with them.  

My 9 week tummy

Yep, that is my stomach with my sweet little baby growing inside.

9 weeks tomorrow

My little surprise is a little over an inch long now. And he ( hoping for a boy so gonna say he) is a a true fetus. Arms, legs, vital organs, even fingernails. It's amazing to think that another human is growing inside my belly. I have had three children yet I have never been so terrified. I know I can do this, it's just a matter of how. This is my ultimate wake up call to get my butt in gear and do something substantial. Maybe, I am struggling in order to help someone else. I need to follow the lead of the strongest women I know, the WCM, and stand tall and make my friends and family proud of how I handle this situation. So complaints, honesty, good stuff, and humor is coming.

Teaching Pump with a protruding stomach, ugh!

So I am trying to keep this pregnancy a secret until I can no longer hide it.  Answering all of the questions just doesn't seem like a pleasant experience.  It will come soon enough.   So I am teaching BodyPump tonight, in one of the last exercise shirts that I have left that even fits and covers my massive boobs and the darn shirt isn't long enough to cover my gut!   So the entire class all I can think about is what my participants are thinking about seeing my stomach.   Are they thinking, WOW she has packed on the pounds this winter.  What happened to her?   It embarrasses me that they are looking at me as their fitness instructor and I am not fit.   Back to my last blog of setting a bad example.  I guess in this situation I am setting one.   I was able to suck it in last week, but not this week.  I am running out of clothes in my closet and it is frustrating.
I know by now you probably want me to say something positive, so I will say at least the scale can still register my weight with out going "BOING"!  HA!    Sorry folks that's all I've got today.
Maybe I should log my cravings, lets see.  KETCHUP KETCHUP AND UM KETCHUP!  Anything sour or salty makes me smile.  Pickles, sour jellybeans, fruit, etc.  Amazingly sweets aren't my thing.  They actually kind of make me sick at my stomach. I would say YAY!  but don't be fooled, the salty foods I am craving are much worse than the occasional cookie or ice cream.  Oops!  Hopefully this part will be over soon and I will eat like a normal person again.  OR maybe not!

So this is going to be my sounding board for my pregnancy.  My surprise pregnancy!  Yeah no more pictures like the one on my blog for a loonngg time!    Nope, now it is morning sickness, cellulite, and an absolute loathing of my ever growing wide body.   I know you are suppose to think your body is beautiful when you are pregnant and by golly I know a lot of gals that are simply that.  BEAUTIFUL!  I on the other hand, am not one of those lucky gals.  I am short so I only have the option to become a full blown blob.   It doesn't help that I am single and almost 38.  Yeah, there's the icing on the cake.  Surprise your old single ass is having a baby!  Good Stuff!
Now don't get me wrong, I know babies are a blessing and well I am truly happy that I am going to be able to have another sweet baby to love and watch grow, but that doesn't mean I am excited about feeling so ugly and being single is well, embarrassing.  My ex husband, bless his heart, informs me that I am not worthy of raising his daughter because I am a horrible example to her.  Now, let me tell you that I did point out the fact that it's not my fault that my birth control didn't work, but at the same time.  His words hurt.  I don't want to be a bad example to anyone.  I only want good and happy things for everyone. 
I have to tell you, I am afraid.  Scared to death actually.  I know I have really great friends and the baby's father is super sweet and he will stay by my side.  But I still have a big black hole of fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, being ugly, being unwanted, being the one to bring other people down, and being the one to set a bad example for anyone. 
Ok, so I am having a bad day obviously.  I don't plan on complaining the whole time, or maybe I do.  I don't know.  I am freakin' hormonal and well my happiness and good/bad mood changes in an instant.

Yep ladies, if you haven't had a kid yet.  Follow along so that you are prepared for the never ending roller coaster.  All of the good and ALL of the bad!